Andrew's Journal: " Encik, kamu ni disaman. Saman besar ni". How To Bribe A Police?

" Encik, kamu ni disaman. Saman besar ni". How To Bribe A Police?

Posted in Labels: Get Smart, Just For Laugh Monday, June 08, 2009

All saman are extremely expensive which is between RM50-RM500 ( any mistake please correct me )

So use your brain next time when you want to bribe a police, don’t believe in the bullshit, “Ini Saman Tiga Ratus Ringgit!”, and let the police scare the shit off you and end up you need to beg them to take your RM100! Use the following formula when calculating the amount of kopi duit.

BRIBE AMOUNT= NUMBER OF POLICE X RM10

So,

1 Police = RM10

2 Police = RM20

3+ Police = RM30 (maximum)

Remember that price are always negotiable! These are the HIGHEST price you can pay.

Things that you should remember when you get caught.

1. Don’t look like a virgin even if you are one! Pretend that you have been caught many times and you are their loyal customer. If they know you are a little virgin, you will be raped.

2. You need to continue talking! Don’t keep quiet. Keep talking shit and they will always talk back to you because they want to find a way to get to the point.

3. Don’t talk like a lawyer! Talk like you are talking to your best friend. Must Kawan Kawan Tau!

4. Make your first offer using 50% of the bribe amount (i.e. RM10 if 2 police). This is very important because they will say no to the first offer. Then you act like it is very hard for you and you talk cock that you are very poor, you then increase it to the bribe amount. They will happily accept it because all people want to bargain a bit than only feel happy.

If you are good, this should be settled within 10 minutes guaranted.

What if you do not have enough money or your ringgit notes are too big (i.e RM50/RM100)?

Negotiate the price *first* before telling them you don’t have the money or small notes! Then, let them hold your IC/Driving License so they know you can’t run away. You can now

1. Go withdraw cash at ATM or go back house to take if near.

2. If notes are too big, simply go to 7-eleven to buy a condom or you can go pump petrol at the nearest petrol station. (kopitiam, shops will also work! Use your brain)

This method is based on the concept, “Making a new friend is better than making a new enemy”.

Disclaimer: These are my little bullshit and for laughing purposes only, don’t use it as I am not responsible if you burned your ass with it.

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I have to say great thanks to my father and brother for some information and thousands of thank you to Youtube video to give me some sample/example.

Please cover any small childrens' ear in the room.

There are some cultural talking style in Malaysia such as,

" Yamcha lar, diu "
" Diu lor, police coming "

I wondering how the hell he so early to record this video while he is not aware of the existence of police.

1) He saw the police chasing him behind so he wanted to record down to show us the bribe video

2) This is a fake video. Not a true story. They make this video to show us the example of police bribing us.